As I look back on my life in the last couple of years, seeing the number of failures that I have had in many aspects of my life, I cannot help but wonder all the time, what the heck is happening to me. I try my best, I do everything I can, do get the best I can get out of myself.

But many times, instead I see myself failing time and time again. I have many a time questioned the existence of God in my life, what I have done wrong, and why I can never see any successes in my daily living. Instead, I see more and more failures in my life, in academic studies, and a fruitless attempt to continue my passion for God. I do not see any promises, but many a failure instead.

Let me tell you now, I lost all my passion for my God and my lifestyle way back in 2006 already. I questioned the existence of God in my life, whether there was even a God, and nearly became a non-believer for good. I strayed further and further from the path that I was supposed to be on, and continuously saw a heartbroken Leon, who might have put on a brave, strong, and even a humourous front, but deep down there, was really a broken hearted one.

Now I am tearing as I write this post, because I finally see the mistakes that I have made in the past. As I watched the show, Facing the Giants, I finally saw what was wrong with me. I realised that I relied on my own strength all the time, no matter what I did, rarely succeeding, and always failing. This applied to my life even this year, and looking back, I am glad I turned back before it was too late. I had been disillusioned with church, who I had called God and so on, until I watched this show.

Not only that, I never involved God with anything I did, be it work, or studies, and never gave him the glory. Things seem easier nowadays, and I wished I had learnt my lesson earlier, and truly, I regret.

So next year I really look forward to God helping me through whatever I have done, and say, I have regained my passion for Christ once more again.